Felt devastated yesterday after receiving the news that there is every possible chance (yet to be positively confirmed) that the tumor that is starting to rear it's ugly head is not in my liver but my lung (possible late onset secondary to the liver tumor).

I traveled home in a confused dream like state mixed with anger and above all fear.

I was scared that I would not have the strength and determination to see this latest set-back through to a successful conclusion in fact I felt as if a large dark hole had just opened up beneath my feet as was ready to swallow me up in despair.

I now have the task of informing my family both biological and forum of the news. This will be hard as my Sisters thoughts will go back to the death of our Mother and my Aunts thoughts will go the loss of her husband last year.

I have informed my boss and his boss about what is going on with the request that the location of the tumor be kept quiet at the moment as there is a self important b in our team who would be only too glad to profit from having a dig at me. None of the team have ever seen me really lose my temper but the way I am feeling this person (being very polite) is the most likely person to see a side of me which is both scary and very unpleasant.

I am quite good at hiding my emotions (years of practice) but at the moment I am having problems keeping them under control. Currently they are just below the surface and it would not take much for me to explode.

Once I have them under control I will be able to face my new challenge and fight it no matter how painful and uncomfortable that fight may be.

I will update this blog with my thoughts as and when I am able to put them into some sort of logical order.